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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29536317">say it back</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/feralcatras/pseuds/feralcatras'>feralcatras</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, in a dumb way, in which adora gets to be smart about her feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:42:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,888</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29536317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/feralcatras/pseuds/feralcatras</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>what if adora had always known her feelings for catra?</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>five times adora says i love you, and the one time catra says it back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora/Catra (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>264</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>say it back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>credit for this idea goes to <a href="https://twitter.com/enbypricefield">aleks</a>, who helped me brainstorm this fic !! feel free to follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/feralcatras">twitter</a> and <a href="https://catraisms.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>I.</p>
</div><p>When Adora wakes up, her bed is cold.</p>
<p>The blanket lies half-off of her, covering her legs but leaving her chest exposed. She could chalk it up to her wriggling in her sleep (or sleep-fighting, as Catra would usually put it), but something else is missing that has her doubting.</p>
<p>Catra isn’t beside her.</p>
<p>Adora reaches her arm out, running a hand over the sheets where she remembers Catra falling asleep beside her the night before, as if it might tell her where her friend had disappeared to. Sitting up, Adora finds the bottom of her bed just as empty. Standing, she peeks over the top of the bunk, but Catra’s blankets lay undisturbed from their lack of use the night before.</p>
<p>It isn’t like there is no reason for Catra to have snuck out of bed. Adora could think of a few reasons instantly, but none of them match the unease she feels in her stomach.</p>
<p>When the other cadets begin to wake, Adora tells herself not to dwell. It’s time to get ready for the day ahead.</p>
<p>And it goes by like any other would. Showers first, the cold water banishing any lingering sleep from her mind, followed by the familiar task of breakfast. It’s like clockwork, with the cog that Adora represents working splendidly. She grabs her tray, collects her ration bar and water, and sits with the rest of her squad. She can’t help noticing that Catra is still absent, and her hopes that Catra had just been starting the day early starts to fizzle.</p>
<p>Training for the day meant sitting down for a lesson in patrols. Adora, like always, shoots her hand up to answer questions, if only to distract herself from the desk chair beside her remaining empty.</p>
<p>And later, when they’re running laps of the obstacle course, Adora can’t help thinking that it’s easy  — most notably because she doesn’t have her best friend right on her heel, trying to make the course that little bit more interesting for them both.</p>
<p>It’s funny, how a day without Catra can feel so <em>boring</em>.</p>
<p>She wants to laugh about that, but the nerves that have been filtering into her stomach all day have made that impossible.</p>
<p>When training ends, the group of cadets head into the rec room. It’s barely such, hosting a couple of empty tables and more books to prepare them for the war — but it’s a different environment from their bunk room, and that’s good enough.</p>
<p>Adora sits with her back against the wall, while Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio laugh about an instant from training.</p>
<p>“So what, your new thing is coming up with strategies the whole Horde are gonna use?” Lonnie asks Kyle, who’s now blushing for what he had tried earlier in the day.</p>
<p>“Isn’t that what we’re meant to be doing? Taking initiative?” Kyle tries to defend.</p>
<p>“Yeah but I don’t think pulling your shirt down over someone’s head to blind them is gonna stick,” Lonnie laughs again, elbowing Rogelio in the side to join her.</p>
<p>Adora wants to laugh with them, but her mind is firmly elsewhere.</p>
<p>“Do any of you know where Catra was today?” she asks, interrupting their conversation completely. She constantly fiddles with her own fingers, her anxiety finally showing through her body language.</p>
<p>Not that that stops Lonnie from looking unimpressed. “No, are we supposed to? She’s just going to get herself in trouble.”</p>
<p><em>Yeah</em>, Adora thinks to herself. <em>That’s what I’m trying to prevent</em>.</p>
<p>“I should go find her.” Her voice is monotone, lowered with concern that no one else seems to share. The other three blink as they watch Adora stand, and she swiftly leaves them to it.</p>
<p>She doesn’t quite run, but her feet take her quickly through the Horde base. She checks their usual hangouts — under stairs and in smaller cupboards and around corners no one looks around. She checks the panel in the wall that’s come loose, a space that Catra alone is small enough to fit through. She checks vent grates and supply rooms with crates, and even the laundry room they would sometimes make nests in.</p>
<p>But Catra is nowhere to be found.</p>
<p>There was no reasonable excuse for her to head outside, but it doesn’t stop Adora as she pushes open one of the doors out into the exposed air. It always feels grimy in the Fright Zone, with the smoke of the factories filling the air with pollution, but Adora doesn’t know any better. She follows their usual path upwards, taking two stairs at a time and climbing ladders faster than anyone could spot her.</p>
<p>Eventually, she pulls herself up onto their little hidden ledge.</p>
<p>And finally, Adora see’s Catra for the first time that day.</p>
<p>Her silhouette sits at the end of the ledge, mane of messy hair jagged against the horizon. Her ears flick, twisting to hear Adora’s footsteps as she moves closer, but Catra stays still beyond that.</p>
<p>She doesn’t even say anything.</p>
<p>“Catra?”</p>
<p>There’s a wobble in Adora’s voice that she isn’t expecting, but it’s not a surprise. It matches the shake she feels in her chest, the anxiety that had been building all day that she’d tried to ignore.</p>
<p>Her hands grip together behind her back, clinging on for dear life as she asks the question that has been burning in her mind all day. “Did I do something wrong?”</p>
<p>Because Adora knew why Catra had been hiding. She knew why she’d disappeared while she was still asleep, why she’d decided that missing training was worth the punishment so she wouldn’t have to see Adora. The answer lay in what had happened the night before.</p>
<p>It was the typical scolding that Shadow Weaver would give them when the pair of them got into trouble. They’d been running around the canteen, playing a game of chase, when they’d run into the soldier bringing in the rations for the next day. The whole box had fallen, the bars scattering across the floor, and while they’d laughed at the time at the mess they’d made, they were quickly brought back to reality when the two of them were frozen still.</p>
<p>Adora could see the pain that came with it in Catra’s face. The shocks that she felt across her skin, the spasms that came to her muscles, and the fear in her eyes as Shadow Weaver brought herself into the light.</p>
<p><em>“Once again, you disappoint me, Catra,”</em> the words still echo in Adora’s ears. <em>“How many times must I warn you? How many times must I remind you that you ruin her?”</em></p>
<p>Those had been the words that stuck in Catra’s ears once they were back at the bunk, Adora asking if she wanted to sleep on the bottom with her that night.</p>
<p><em>“Why would I want to do that? Isn’t that just going to ruin you even more?”</em> she’d snapped in a response, grabbing onto the bunk to hoist herself up onto the top. But Adora had stopped her, reaching out a hand to rest on her arm.</p>
<p><em>“It isn’t true, Catra,”</em> she’d said, voice soft. <em>“Please? I know you’re upset…”</em></p>
<p>The unspoken words. <em>I know it will make you feel better.</em></p>
<p>Catra hesitated, but her body relaxed and she lowered herself back down from the bunk.</p>
<p>Usually, she’d curl up at the end of the bed, but Adora had made her settle underneath the blankets with her, snuggling into her hair and feeling comforted by the warmth they shared. A warmth that brought the haze of sleep over her mind, clouding what she could recall.</p>
<p><em>“I love you,”</em> Adora had whispered into her ear, reminding Catra that everything Shadow Weaver had said to her was a lie.</p>
<p>Her eyes had fluttered shut soon after that, and she’d drifted off into a peaceful sleep.</p>
<p>Now, Adora couldn’t help but wonder if it had been a mistake. If she’d underestimated their friendship, if Catra was uncomfortable by her feelings. She wonders if her words of comfort had somehow ruined everything completely. Adora wants to take it back — if that would fix this rift she feels between them.</p>
<p>And still, Catra doesn’t say anything. She pulls herself tighter together, making herself smaller against the skyline.</p>
<p>Tears sting at the corners of Adora’s eyes, her lips trembling as her hands manage to grip tighter. She swallows the lump in her throat as she tentatively steps closer. Closer, closer, careful as to not scare Catra away.</p>
<p>And when she stands right behind her, Adora drops to her knees, where she can wrap her arms around her shoulders.</p>
<p>“I’m always going to be your friend, remember?” Adora whispers into Catra’s ear. More words unspoken with the simple phrase.</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s okay if you don’t say it back.</em>
</p>
<p>And she means it, because the last thing Adora wants to do is scare her away. It did not matter to her, as long as Catra is there in her life.</p>
<p>Catra’s frame stiffens beneath her touch, but she feels her tail wrap around her waist, as if she’s clinging onto Adora as much as Adora’s clinging onto her. A wordless <em>don’t go</em>. Adora didn’t need it.</p>
<p>She feels Catra’s body shake beneath her, but no whimpers come from her silent cry. Adora can’t even see her face like this, but she pulls her arms tighter and molds her body perfectly against Catra’s.</p>
<p>A small, clawed hand rests itself on Adora’s arm.</p>
<p>Her heart may hurt for now, but she knows in this moment everything is going to be alright.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>II.</p>
</div><p>“Every hero needs a sidekick, right?”</p>
<p>“Catra, no, that’s not how it was!”</p>
<p>Adora can hear it in her own voice  — how her own heart breaks knowing how Catra feels. None of it is true, but that doesn’t stop Catra believing in it. That she, Adora, would ever consider her less than her. That she would willingly hold her down to always stay on top.</p>
<p>The fact Catra would even consider it…</p>
<p>Her laugh sounds cruel.</p>
<p>“The sad thing is I’ve spent all this time hoping you’d come back to the Horde, when really you leaving was the best thing that <em>ever</em> happened to me.”</p>
<p>Adora’s eyes widen, her breath getting caught in her throat as her heart breaks all over again.</p>
<p>Catra places the sword in her hand against the green web, tip piercing Adora’s tether to the cliff. “I am so much stronger than anyone ever thought,” her poisoned words drawl out as she drags the blade across, ripping the only thing keeping Adora from falling into the abyss.</p>
<p>She feels her body drop down further.</p>
<p>“I wonder what I could’ve been if I’d gotten rid of you sooner.”</p>
<p><em>Snap</em>. The last strings of the web are cut, and Adora falls. Her hand catches onto the only thing it can — a strutting out rock, only large enough for her fingers.</p>
<p>Quickly, Adora glances down into the darkness below, the knot in her stomach getting bigger. It has not claimed her yet, but Adora already feels herself falling into another more dangerous pit.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry!” she calls back up to Catra, eyes panicked. Her chest feels tight, her heart clenching harder like it might stop itself from breaking. But her voice still shakes, still breaks, as she tries to reconnect with Catra one last time. To make her understand how she feels. “I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. <em>I love you</em>, please, don’t do this!”</p>
<p>Her voice breaks again on those words.</p>
<p><em>Those words</em>. The ones she’d confessed before, thinking they might comfort. The ones that gained no reply, and she didn’t need to be returned. But she had to let Catra know, she had to make her <em>understand</em> that everything she’s telling herself is false.</p>
<p>That no matter what, Adora still loves her.</p>
<p>Her fingers tremble where they grip the edge, but she watches Catra above. She watches as she clenches her jaw tighter, her eyes flashing with a pain Adora doesn’t recognise. Catra looks tense against her playful attitude she presents herself with, a break in the character to someone Adora might be able to get through to.</p>
<p><em>Please</em>, she thinks to herself. <em>Please understand my heart still feels for you</em>.</p>
<p>But it doesn’t last. Catra’s smirk falls back across her face as she peers at the sword in her hand. The darkness starts to glitch across the ceiling, the walls, the cliff Adora holds onto. Consuming them both.</p>
<p>And before she even says anything, Catra drops the sword down into the void. Adora hears it clattering below her, as if it were calling for her to follow.</p>
<p>“Bye, Adora,” Catra taunts. “I really am going to miss you.”</p>
<p>And as she turns, the darkness finally consumes her.</p>
<p>“Catra…” The word is breathless on her lips as tears form in her eyes. “Catra, <em>no!</em>”</p>
<p>The darkness creeps closer down the cliff, closer to where her fingers grip tight. Her tears cloud her vision as her breaths shake. Her heart beating becomes louder in her ears, thumping inside her chest as a constant reminder of the break it feels. She squeezes her eyes shut, hoping to block it out, to get it to <em>shut up</em> while she struggles to find the fight within her to pull herself out of this.</p>
<p>When her eyes blink open, blinking back tears, she sees a new figure standing at the top of the cliff.</p>
<p>A blue light flickers off of her, but she stands tall and proud against the darkness.</p>
<p>“Adora,” she says, her voice firm. “You must let go.”</p>
<p><em>Let go</em>.</p>
<p>She thinks of Catra and of what she said. Of all the hurt she feels despite Adora’s best wishes. She thinks of what Catra represents — the refusal to change her ways, the past Adora was trying to leave behind. No matter how she wished Catra would follow her, Catra had made it clear she never would.</p>
<p>And even with the love she feels for her, that she’d proclaimed so surely despite the rejection she’d faced the first time she’d uttered those words, Adora knows that none of it matters.</p>
<p>Catra isn’t going to love her in the way she wants. Not while she believes that Adora had been holding her back.</p>
<p>It was time to stop letting her past with Catra hold herself back as well.</p>
<p>Adora sucks in one last shaky breath. She closes her eyes once again. In that moment of silence, she allows herself to think it one last time.</p>
<p><em>I love you, even if we split ways</em>.</p>
<p>She lets go, and the pit of her heartbreak swallows her whole.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>III.</p>
</div><p>“Oh, you can’t trust anyone. <em>Especially</em> a princess.”</p>
<p>Their eyes meet, Catra’s shimmering with so much pain. Adora wants to reach out to her, to pull her back to her, to ask her how she can make it better. How she can stop her from <em>hurting</em> so much.</p>
<p>Maybe if the hurting stops, all of this could too.</p>
<p>But too quickly it dissolves into chaos. Magic sparks across the room, a blast of purple sending Catra hurtling across the ground. An arrow flies, a metal pillar retaliates, and all Adora can do is watch as her friends and her enemies try for the upper hand.</p>
<p>The sanctum collapses around them, and she finds herself alone with only one.</p>
<p><em>Catra</em>.</p>
<p>Lightning spasms out from the sword, held in place above the portal. She can feel it — the current buzzing in the air, an unstable energy filling her whole. That, or it’s the horror of what will happen when that portal is opened.</p>
<p>Adora tugs hard on her restraints once again, but even she knows it’s no use. Not now.</p>
<p>Not as she watches Catra get up from her knees, reaching out for the lever that controls the machine.</p>
<p>“Catra, please, don’t!”</p>
<p>She cries out across to her, hoping with everything inside of her that Catra would <em>listen</em>, that maybe, she could bridge that gap between them. Her heart breaks against her ribs, shaking with an adrenaline that’s telling her to <em>run</em>.</p>
<p>For a moment, those mismatched eyes turn back to her.</p>
<p>A breath escapes her, and Adora has to wonder how they’d gotten to this place. So far apart from each other, never seeing eye to eye. She still feels that <em>pull</em> — a need to draw herself back to Catra, to bring them together, to keep her close.</p>
<p>Her heart <em>aches</em>, wishing she could have Catra listen, to allow them to fix this.</p>
<p>And her head rings, with a truth that she’s been ignoring.</p>
<p><em>She’d let go</em>.</p>
<p>No wonder Catra was letting go too.</p>
<p>“I love you!”</p>
<p>The words escape her before she can stop them, a one last desperate attempt to make Catra reconsider. To make her stop in her tracks, to see what she’s doing, to see what she would ruin. She wants Catra to know there’s another way still, it wasn’t too late, not when Adora was willing to help.</p>
<p>For a moment, Adora sees it. For a moment, it dashes across her face.</p>
<p>But then Catra’s smile twists up, a darkness settling across her features instead, and Adora cries out as her hand yanks the lever downwards.</p>
<p>The pair watch as the portal activates, as the sword pulses out a purple wave, as a head splitting noise engulfs them.</p>
<p>When She-Ra steps out of that light, sword in hand, she does so with grief.</p>
<p>When the blade breaks the portal apart, she does so with a <em>goodbye</em>, knowing what she is severing.</p>
<p>When she holds her head low, she does so to control her emotions as they erupt in her chest.</p>
<p>And when she turns, her eyes glowing blue, she meets those of Catra’s.</p>
<p>Memories — no, <em>a dream</em> — flash across her mind. She hears a laugh she had forgotten, feels a touch she had wished for, tastes a kiss that could not be real.</p>
<p>So much of it she wants to take with her, but Adora knows the price. It has already been paid, and the weight of it has her tense, her blood boiling beneath her skin, thumping through her head.</p>
<p>The anger burns in her own eyes, and the last words she’d said taste sour on her tongue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>IV.</p>
</div><p>It does not matter what Bow says to her, Adora can’t keep her giddiness to herself.</p>
<p>She tries to distract herself, tries to set her mind on other tasks, but every single time her mind manages to wander back to the room down the hallway of the ship. Her heart swells every time she thinks of the person sleeping on the other side of the door, her stomach fluttering with a joy she never thought she’d experience.</p>
<p>She tries, she truly does, to keep herself away, but in the end Adora always finds her way back to that room, hopeful for—</p>
<p><em>Something</em>. She isn’t quite sure what.</p>
<p>And when she finds Catra awake, she tries to be upbeat. She tries to be comforting, to be the friend that she needs, but every word out of Catra’s mouth feels like a jab directed into her gut. Each sentenced clawed, warning Adora from getting too close.</p>
<p>She <em>tries</em>, she tries not to let it dig into her, but Adora’s patience wears thin.</p>
<p>Perhaps she allowed her heart to hope far too early.</p>
<p>“I can take care of myself!”</p>
<p>Catra’s words hit a nerve, and Adora tries to hold herself back, but with a huff of air and a tightening of muscles, she flips the mattress off the bed and sends Catra to the floor. Her body lands with a <em>thud</em> despite the cushion, but she quickly recovers herself.</p>
<p>“I promised I’d take you home and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.” At least one of them remembers, at least one of them takes those words to heart. It feels like Catra had somehow already forgotten everything that had happened, everything that they’d said and done. The fight on Horde Prime’s ship replays over and over in Adora’s mind, and she could not let go of how her heart had broken with every cruel taunt.</p>
<p>She is not going to let it all be for nothing — she is not going to let Catra’s hurt be in vain.</p>
<p>“Why are you acting like this? We saved your life!” Uncontrollably, Adora’s voice shifts higher as her heart beats faster. She feels it all again just below her skin, a buzzing that sharpens her mind and focuses her senses. Every nerve stands to attention, like she’s expecting to <em>feel</em> whatever is going to be said.</p>
<p>Catra, somehow, still surprises her.</p>
<p>Her body shifts closer, just as tense as Adora feels, but she holds her limbs in close as her brows tighten across her face. Every word out of her mouth comes with a bite, and while part of Adora knows it’s Catra’s <em>fight</em> instinct, she can’t help the insult she feels with it. “I told you not to come back, but you just love feeling like a hero, don’t you?!”</p>
<p>Now it’s Adora’s turn to throw back biting words. “You’d rather I left you there to <em>die</em>?!”</p>
<p>“What do you care?!” Catra’s voice elevates, her own emotions flooding out of her. “I know you all hate me!”</p>
<p>“Because I love you!”</p>
<p>The words spill from Adora’s lips before she can stop herself. The expression on Catra’s face mimics something she feels inside. They’re as much as a surprise to her, a natural reaction she couldn’t keep bottled up inside. Adora’s face falls as the realisation crosses Catra’s face, and her heart twists in on itself as she finds herself in an ache she’s felt before.</p>
<p>She thought, maybe now, she wouldn’t still feel like this.</p>
<p>Like she wouldn’t want Catra, after everything she’s done.</p>
<p>How Adora lies to herself.</p>
<p>And with how Catra walks away, settling herself down on the mattress again, Adora thinks Catra had wanted the same thing.</p>
<p>“Then you’re even dumber than I thought.”</p>
<p>The words slice into her. Catra is not gentle, nor kind to Adora’s emotions. She is not careful with her heart in her hands. Instead, she wants to inflict as much damage as possible, as if it would somehow protect her.</p>
<p>From what? Everything <em>she’d</em> done?</p>
<p>“Just… leave me alone.”</p>
<p>Adora hates how her own feelings betray her, but at least she can protect herself too. Allowing herself a moment to breathe, Adora pulls herself together, and laces words together that are almost as cruel as Catra’s.</p>
<p>“I’m such an idiot,” she starts, letting them hang in the air. <em>She is, she really is</em>, for ever thinking her heart wouldn’t be crushed by the hands of Catra — so clearly made for destruction. “I thought things would be different this time, but clearly nothing has changed.”</p>
<p><em>Things</em>. Even Adora doesn’t want to think about what that word means.</p>
<p>And before Catra can say anything else, Adora turns and leaves her in the peace she so asked for, ignoring how her heart rips at old wounds she thought were long healed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>V.</p>
</div><p>Adora’s heart sinks as a familiar pattern occurs.</p>
<p>She wakes, Catra is gone, and her heart twists into a knot that cannot be undone.</p>
<p>She scrambles up from her bed, chasing after a wish as she steps beyond the cave. There, Catra still is, but her feet take her further and further, as if to disappear into the darkness of the woods.</p>
<p>“Catra?” Adora calls.</p>
<p>At least this time Catra hesitates.</p>
<p>“Catra, stop!”</p>
<p>There is nothing graceful in the way they tumble to the ground. Adora’s hands are desperate, grabbing at limbs and fabric and the pack on Catra’s back. It’s pulled free from her arms, Catra trying to escape, but Adora grips onto her wrists to finally pull her in close.</p>
<p>“You were just going to leave?!”</p>
<p>Catra’s face is pained, and it feels all too familiar still. “I’m doing you a favour.” She chills, pushing back against Adora to give herself space. “I’m a distraction, right? Now you can go save the world without having to worry about me <em>confusing</em> you.”</p>
<p>Adora’s eyebrows fall as understanding comes with those words. “No, that’s not true! Don’t listen to Shadow Weaver, this isn’t about her!”</p>
<p>She wants Catra to listen, <em>desperate</em> for her to take her words as they are.</p>
<p>But Catra’s teeth clench, as she shoves Adora back once again. The force pushes her to the ground, pack still in hands. When she looks back to Catra, she can see an anguish that splits her heart in two.</p>
<p>“Why? Why are you like this? Why do you always have to sacrifice everything for everyone else? When do you get to choose?!” She trembles as her voice cracks with the words, finally letting her frustrations out. The tears come to her eyes, shimmering, and Adora feels another tug at her heart. She wants to pull her close, wrap her arms around her, whisper softly into her ear.</p>
<p>But Catra becomes smaller, her voice more vulnerable. “What do you want, Adora?”</p>
<p>“I…” <em>I want you</em>. The answer comes to her easily, shouting loudly inside her head as if it were wanting to escape.</p>
<p>But those words would be selfish, now with what her future holds.</p>
<p>“I have to do this, Catra,” Adora answers, a slight break to her voice despite the composure she tries to keep. “I’m the only one who can.”</p>
<p>Catra deflates, having never looked so defeated. Accepting Adora’s words with no more fight to give.</p>
<p>“Then do it… If that’s what you want… If that’s what you’ll always choose.”</p>
<p>Her face hardens.</p>
<p>“I don’t have to watch it happen.”</p>
<p>Adora crawls forward, clinging onto the pack in her arms — wishing it were Catra instead, like it could give her any comfort. “Catra, please. Stay.” <em>Selfish, selfish, selfish</em>, but she can’t stop the words that follow. “I love you.”</p>
<p>They were an apology more than anything else — a comfort for herself, knowing Catra wouldn’t say them back.</p>
<p>But Catra isn’t even looking at her now, with Melog coming to stand next to her legs.</p>
<p>“No you don’t.” Her words are soft, barely breaking the peace of the forest. “You never have.”</p>
<p>And with those parting words, her image disappears from view. Adora is left breathless.</p>
<p>When she wanders back to the cave, Adora is lost in her own mind. Was Catra right? Had those words been empty every time she allowed them to escape her? Adora had always thought they were a slip up every time she spoke them. A representation of her as she fell apart, trying to use them to keep herself whole while Catra had broken her down.</p>
<p>It dawns on her with a sinking dread — she had <em>used</em> them, and all Catra had ever known of those words were Adora using them against her.</p>
<p>To make her stop. To make her think again.</p>
<p>Adora has weaponised what Catra couldn’t return, and the truth of it <em>stings</em> her.</p>
<p>She clings to the pack in hand, squeezing her eyes shut with the realisation, and swallows back a sob before it can fall out of her.</p>
<p>“Adora,” the voice comes out of nowhere, and Adora feels frozen as she brings her mind back to the present. “You made the right choice.”</p>
<p>She feels a hand cup her cheek — but it is <em>cold</em>. A shock to the system.</p>
<p>“Don’t let Catra convince you otherwise, she’s never understood—”</p>
<p>Adora inhales sharply, and she knocks Shadow Weaver’s hand away from her. “Stop!” <em>No more</em>. No more words against Catra, not like she’s heard ever since she was a child. Adora didn’t believe them then, she will not believe them now.</p>
<p>“I will <em>never</em> forgive you,” she snaps, and the hurt she feels in her chest bubbles up into aggression as Adora stands her ground. “You ruin people! You ruin any chance they could ever be happy.”</p>
<p>Her mind flashes back to the first night she’d ever said it. To a small Catra, repeating back what vicious sentiment had been seared into her mind. <em>Ruin</em>. It had never been Catra, never — only the poison Shadow Weaver had so tactfully laced between them.</p>
<p>Adora turns away, hurt by her own words. “Haven’t you done enough?”</p>
<p>“I did what I had to do.”</p>
<p>“Keep telling yourself that,” Adora shoots back as she marches past Shadow Weaver, returning to the cave alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div><p>Adora’s weight rests in her hands. Catra keeps her close, waiting for <em>something</em>. Anything that would tell her she was still there, anything that would bring her back to her.</p>
<p>She hears, <em>feels</em>, the pulsing of the Heart above her — a mechanic mimic of what she feels within her own body. So much energy held within, bursting to be free. <em>And it will come</em>, if this works.</p>
<p><em>If this works</em>.</p>
<p>But Adora lies lifeless in her arms, and Catra trembles as she stares down at her closed eyes.</p>
<p>“Adora…” Her voice cracks when she first speaks, every fear and worry she’s tried to bury deep in coming back bubbling back up to the surface. This is the last place Catra wants to be, but it’s also the only place she ever could be.</p>
<p>Her voice finds a footing, no more trembling, but it comes out soft and quiet — words only meant for Adora to hear.</p>
<p>“Please… You have to wake up… You can’t give up. You’ve never given up on anything in your life.”</p>
<p>The Heart shimmers behind her as tears prick at her eyes.</p>
<p>“Not even on me.”</p>
<p>Adora, with her heart so big. Even as Catra had told her to stay away, still came for her on Prime’s ship. Even after Catra had held her hand on that lever, Adora begging her not to do it, and she’d pulled it anyway. Even after Catra had severed their friendship, dropping Adora into a pit.</p>
<p>Adora had never given up on her.</p>
<p>Catra lowers her face closer to Adora’s, as if getting closer would allow her words to break through whatever holds Adora under. “So don’t you dare start now.”</p>
<p>Her eyes sting with the tears, as she pulls Adora towards her, tucking her head against her shoulder. Her next words come as a comfort, as if to ease whatever pain Adora might be feeling. “I’ve got you. I’m not letting go.”</p>
<p><em>I wish I’d never let you go</em>.</p>
<p>It has always hurt to think about, and every declaration of love from Adora had sent Catra’s mind backwards. Back to the night in the Fright Zone, tucked away in the bunk together. Even now, Catra can still remember it — how Adora’s words had shook on her lips, barely audible under the blanket, as if scared of what she was saying to her.</p>
<p><em>“Catra,”</em> she said, so quietly, so fearfully. <em>“I love you.”</em></p>
<p>Catra’s bright eyes had shone back in the dark, so scared of what those words would mean, but the warmth had spread through her nonetheless.</p>
<p>It didn’t matter what Shadow Weaver said, because Adora would always say otherwise — Catra could live with that.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I love you too.”</em>
</p>
<p>Catra had never fallen asleep so easily, with Adora cuddled up to her back. How awful, then, that she was ripped from that sleep by shadows.</p>
<p><em>“What will it take for you to learn, Catra?”</em> Shadow Weaver’s terrifying voice asked her in the night. Catra still remembers how she shook, thinking that this was it — this was the moment they’d be separated.</p>
<p>And she’d clawed through her head, through Adora’s, finding that moment that had made Catra feel safer than ever before. It wasn’t for the likes of Shadow Weaver. It wasn’t for any other eyes. It was supposed to be private, just for them.</p>
<p><em>“I will not let you be a distraction for her,”</em> Shadow Weaver had said as purple magic settled over Adora’s head. <em>“Do this again and I will make sure you will regret it.”</em></p>
<p>Despite the years of threats that Shadow Weaver had held above her head, none had ever felt so harrowing as this. None had Catra sitting down on the ground, wide eyes staring at the wall, claws digging into her own skin as she tried to imagine what would happen. It was too close this time. A second chance would be a final, and Catra wasn’t willing to let that happen.</p>
<p>She could never allow herself to risk it.</p>
<p>Even as the years passed, and even once Adora left, no longer under the control of Shadow Weaver, Catra had found those words unsayable — terrified that they’d be ripped from her like the first time.</p>
<p>It was so much different now, as she holds Adora’s lifeless body, and Catra can feel the world falling apart around them.</p>
<p>Maybe she can’t help bring her back from this — whatever this poison is — but at least Catra can offer Adora this one thing. At least she can give her everything, now that there is nothing left to lose.</p>
<p>“Don’t you get it?” she whispers as she tightens her hold on Adora, hugging her in this moment, hoping to relight the energy within her. “I love you. I always have. So please, just this once… stay.”</p>
<p>The tears drop from her eyes.</p>
<p>“Stay.”</p>
<p>The hum of the Heart changes behind her, erupting into something stronger. Catra tightens her hold again, body covering Adora’s, protecting her still. She feels the way the energy strikes out, lights dancing across her vision despite her eyes closed. It licks the air, pulling everything into it as it builds, builds—</p>
<p>And nothing comes. Catra’s eyes open, turning back to look, only to find a golden shield held above them to protect them from the unstable Heart. Catra turns as it disappears, Adora’s hand settling on her shoulder as she wakes below her.</p>
<p>Her own words are breathless. “You love me?”</p>
<p>
  <em>That’s all she had to hear?</em>
</p>
<p>Catra blushes, chuckling at the absurdity of it. “You’re such an idiot.”</p>
<p>But there’s a look spread across Adora’s face. Her eyes smile with the peace she feels, a warm glow radiating off of her, and Catra does not need Adora to say it out loud — that she’d been waiting, hoping, that one day Catra would share those words with her.</p>
<p>And finally, without fear, they can share them together. “I love you too.”</p>
<p>Catra can hear a heartbeat, though she can not tell whether it comes from the Heart above them or the own inside her chest. She smiles, finally allowing herself to feel this happiness, unafraid of what could be lost.</p>
<p>
  <em>It is stronger than that. It can save them instead.</em>
</p>
<p>Without fear, without worry, Catra cups Adora’s cheek softly and presses a gentle kiss to her lips.</p>
<p>The warmth spreads throughout them and beyond. It builds in their chests, radiates across their skin, engulfs them in a light that protects them. Catra allows herself to feel every moment of it. Every ache she’s ever felt, every wish she’s ever had, and the relief that heals her wounds. It has never felt so right, and Catra can relax with the knowledge that this is what she has.</p>
<p>When the light shimmers away, she finds herself in the arms of She-Ra, holding her so carefully in an embrace.</p>
<p>“About time,” she teases with the dorkiest grin on her face.</p>
<p>“Don’t ruin it.”</p>
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